Artists in conversation

Second in a series

Photo credit: Cover of “West with the Night” | Northpoint Press, 1983 | Beryl Markham, aviator, adventurer, horse trainer, author

Beryl Markham (1903 - 1986):

“I think, I ponder, I recall a hundred things, little things, foolish things that come to me without reason and fade again.”
—"West with the Night" © 1942

In conversation with Beryl:

I remember too much. Mostly foolish little things that come to me without reason. But they don’t seem to fade again. In the midst of dreaming about my past ghosts, I picked up your book again. I’ve lost count of the number of times you have inspired me to keep writing.

I wanted to tell you … the masterpiece you wrote in the 1930s while you lived the life you chose—not the life another expected from you—was a gift from my mother in 1983. I had been traveling the world, but I had paused to marry. No children yet, but that was to change.

Many decades later, I realize she gave me West with the Night because she knew me. I do not remember thinking such a thing before. Perhaps she was telling me, “write your story, too” or maybe, don’t settle down yet. But I shall never know. Because I didn’t ask.

How sad am I to realize at age seventy-six that I missed her cues while she was alive. We might have had the conversations I longed for my entire life. Talks of dreams, adventure, and goals. She did not get to live my life, although she was a talented artist. She never traveled alone. Although deep in my soul, I believe all she wanted was freedom. Instead, she chose to marry so she could “leave” home and start over. Whereas…I chose to escape. I am certain she regretted her choice.

Ah, the conversations we miss in life. I wanted to tell you, Beryl, your words have become the love letter from my mother I never received.